Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Worst Tea I've Ever Had, By Far

My apologies: I had no intention of leaving "Meat Thing" up for a week, but after a nasty head cold and some technical difficulties (hence there being no photo with this post), I'm back in the blogging saddle. And what better way to kick things off than with a tale of some truly terrible tea.

I was delighted when I recently received a gift of loose, black tea labeled Fahari Ya from a friend who had lived and taught in Kenya. But when I took a sip, I wished customs had mistaken the tea for drugs and that my friend had been incarcerated when trying to reenter to the country. That way I never would have drunk the stuff.

It was, by far, the worst tea I've ever had. Hands down. I'd take a stryofoam cup of Lipton brewed with hot water from a gas station that tastes like bad coffee over it any day. Bitter to the point of being acrid, astringent to the point of being caustic, I couldn't even swallow it.

Thinking that perhaps this was an acquired taste, I cleansed my palate, broadened my horizons, and took another sip. My gag reflex didn't go off as bad as the time that putty starting running down the back of my throat when my orthodontist took a mold of my teeth at age thirteen, but it was a close second.

I tried different brewing temperatures and various steeping lengths. No cigar. (Though tea made from a cigar would probably have been more palatable).

The last thing Kenya needs is for me to dis its tea, but I just can't help it. Maybe the lingering head cold is making me bitter, though I'm nowhere near as bitter as the tea. In fact, rather than even calling it tea, I'm going to lump the stuff with ipecac in the realm of emetics.

Don't drink it.

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Anonymous said...

You suck, racist.

Janet said...

A lot of teas grown in Africa are very harsh; I don't know if it's the climate or the soil, or what. If you try it again, steep for just 1 or 2 minutes. And/or try it iced. That's what many African teas are primarily used for.

Serkagio said...

WOW! That tea does have a chance as a dental plaque remover; the dental reference about mold putty triggered that connection. I did the nearly exact thing in trying fahari ya; spitting it out uttering fah-fah-hariya much like a Steve Martin or Martin Short gag, and I did...gag...So I have diluted and nearly frozen some but I'll have to wait for my memory to forget . . . avoiding the sight GAG. No offense Kenya, I'm just sayin'

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